I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
