please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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