I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
