dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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