I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
