I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you inspire me to be a worse person
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
