hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
