Fuck appropriateness.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
