I must be too annoying 4 u.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
