Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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