dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
