Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize