Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
