so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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