wakey wakey hands off snakey
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Randomize
