When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
