i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
This is the high leading the old right now
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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