I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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