Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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