I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Nicole vs. Life
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
