Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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