How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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