I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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