My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
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My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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