Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
