please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
