Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
