My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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