Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
