Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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