I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
