dude i'm inner monologue high
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize