The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
