i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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