Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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