It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
