They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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