I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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