just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
