I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
