Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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