Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
