I don't think brook has ever known best
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
