1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
