the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It's shark week go big or go home
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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