You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
