it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I could fuck to npr.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
