hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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