nut hugger
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
