He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
