Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
