Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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