I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
