they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
