What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
