I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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