people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Randomize
