I just saw a hot homeless man
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
