I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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