She went from zero to smokin in five shots
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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