Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
