Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Threesome in a minivan. New low
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
