I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
