You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
