i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
