I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
