In America we eat man semen.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
