I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize