Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just had sex on a roof
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
